Shopping for a sports shirt at a department store, a bon vivant found that even the largest size was too tight. 'Where do I go from here?' he asked the saleswoman who was serving him. 'Could I suggest the gym?' she replied.

Man does not live by bread alone. He has to handle some hot potatoes, know his onions, and be worth his salt. Little wonder he is often in a stew.

In a pep talk to one class about working harder, the headmaster said, 'In the next exam I want you all to be above the class average.'

An army is invading our country. It is going to capture and take possession of everything we have, every political office, business, school, college and council. Nothing will be left to us. This army is composed of the babies and youngsters in our homes. They are the future citizens, the future teachers, directors, politicians. What happens to them, the kind of people they will become, will determine the quality of life in this country twenty-thirty years from now. No task is therefore more important than the education and training of these children in honesty, self-discipline, generosity, love and forgiveness.

After the birth of twins, one mother had four children under three years of age. Her e-mails to her sister became shorter and shorter. One day when winter was in full swing, her sister received an e-mail. All it said was: '4 kids, 4 colds, 4 lorn.'

A religious fanatic is a person who does what he thinks God would do if God knew all the facts of the case!'

Abraham Lincoln once said that his two quarrelling sons were a symbol of our troubled world: 'I have three walnuts and each boy wants two.'